to the one whose name is not mine, not yet

Tracklist + Annotations

Intro (The xx) – We start with a song titled “Intro”, obviously—it’s crucial that your mixtapes are meaningful and poetic and have some kind of internal logic. Gifts of mixtapes have changed your life. Don’t you forget that.

Boys Don't Cry (The Cure) – I think this is supposed to be ironic? That boys do cry, they just cry in secret? I also cry in secret. Sometimes even while listening to this song!

Chemistry of a Car Crash (Shiny Toy Guns) – This isn’t my favorite song from this album but I think you’ll appreciate its yearning sensibility. I like “You Are The One,” but maybe that isn’t how your romances ended up playing out once you started having them?

There, There (Radiohead) – This is one of my favorites, it reminds me of someone you don’t think about anymore, but I like the reminder, how it smells. Like me, you'll appreciate round deep drums and quivering voices and feeling raw. Why are you so touchy about liking Radiohead songs? What’s Extinction Rebellion? What’s BDS?

Dudley (Yeah Yeah Yeahs) – This isn’t my favorite song of theirs, but I’ve heard every song, and I like this album the best, I like that it’s moody and it doesn’t need to scream to be heard. We both like the hypnotic vamping; you like mournful songs in major keys.

I’m So Excited (Le Tigre) – JT makes me feel things? I’m not going to think about them. You can, though. I’ll be in the bathroom bleaching my facial hair.

Nas Ne Dogonyat (t.A.T.u)

Shine a Light (Wolf Parade) – I don’t want you to forget how you wandered around nights in Brooklyn and Lower Manhattan and tried to touch something that always seemed out of your reach, or that you went to parties just to study them, or the feeling of not understanding how much danger you were really in

Glaring Dream (Kotani Kinya) – I like “The Rage Beat” better—it’s more exciting and it makes my heart soar—but you like the smooth, sparkling synths and you like Kotani Kinya’s triangular voice. Thank you so much for telling as few people as possible that I watched Gravitation in its entirety.

I Saw It On Your Keyboard (Hellogoodbye) – What do you have now? Can you go out and dance? Do you have lace-up corsets and petticoats and black lipstick and a face piercing and lots of fingerless gloves? Do you have a plain black flannel? Is your hair dyed? Do you write music yet? Do people think you’re beautiful yet? Can you hear me? I’m so, so young, I feel so young and unknown and I feel so much, all the time, and I cannot wait to be better and be free, I cannot, cannot wait to be free

Tim I Wish You Were Born a Girl (of Montreal) – This has always been my favorite of Montreal track; I don’t know what the Story of the Eye is and I’m afraid to ask.

Steak for Chicken (The Moldy Peaches) – Tell your grandparents that they’re gay! Steal their money and run away!

Sorrow (Pink Floyd)

The District Sleeps Alone Tonight (The Postal Service)

Broken Vow (Josh Groban) – This is probably about some girl who broke his heart but THAT’S NOT HOW I INTERPRET IT, OK?????????? Pretend Josh Groban is crooning about some guy who broke his heart because he is GAY!

Imagine (A Perfect Circle) – You hate the Beatles. Yet you like this. You’re so edgy! Just kidding, I like this too. But I still like the Beatles.

Sweet Disposition (The Temper Trap) – You like songs that bloom, maybe because you bloom too?

Turning Inward (Boy Hits Car) – I don't know what Nü Metal is, should I?

What Happened (The Rollercoaster Project)

Up the Wolves (The Mountain Goats)

Madder Red (Yeasayer)

Teen Angst (M83) – Do you think that there is any beauty in pain? Should you accept your pain as something that is beautiful? Other than in beauty, where else can you put it?

Opened Once (Jeff Buckley) – I listen to this all the time but I’ve never put it on a mixtape for anyone before this one.

Newborn (Elbow)

Holiday/Boulevard of Broken Dreams (Green Day)

Happy Ending (MIKA) – Maybe it’s fitting that I like the happiest song on the album best and you would like the saddest. You like more subtle colors now. I like the brightest colors and they are all in me and if you squeeze me they will bleed and stain.

I'll Take The Rain (Remix) (R.E.M.)

Frozen (Tegan and Sara)

A Boy Like Me (Patrick Wolf) – Do you have two dogs, two cats, a big kitchen and a welcome mat yet? Do you still hope?

Born Slippy (Underworld) – I really think I understand this song well, but you seem to think otherwise. But I wanted to share it anyway. We could listen to it together and hold each other.